If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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