I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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