He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
