first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
