When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
