I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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