Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
