i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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