so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
