i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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