he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
