Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
