I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
