I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
