well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
