So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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