Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
