I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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