My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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