Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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