I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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