Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
