I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
