Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
