i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
