she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
