the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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