"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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