I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
