I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
