The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
