So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
whose parrot is this?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
