You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
