i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
