dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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