i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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