new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
