Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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