just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
