Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
