On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
