She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
