Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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