I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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