toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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