just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
