I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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