It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
