There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
