so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
