i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i now understand why vodka
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
