The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
