I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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