"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
