i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
