Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
