i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
