I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
