brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
