dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
