do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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