i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
