Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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