Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
