After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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