mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
