I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
