return my video game
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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