What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
